I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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