Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
