It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
