he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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