Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
