I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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