i already hear my dad disowning me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The Olympian is in my bed
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
