before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
