I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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