I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
