i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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