i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
