Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
