I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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