i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
