there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
