My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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