Pants 0. Shit 1.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
