OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
