But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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