Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't want my vagina anymore.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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