everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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