Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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