I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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