Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
