i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
