Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
