She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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