I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
