This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
