man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
