Your dad touched me again.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
