she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
