First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pants are for mortals
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
