So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
