dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
