we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My dick has a subreddit
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
