Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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