I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
