I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
