think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
