You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
