I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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