I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
