I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
