great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
