I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
