The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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