It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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