It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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