i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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