At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
