his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
