Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
